Ap's last resort.....do or die!

Cause He Gave me ... you

2011-06-28T00:35:00.001-07:00

It was such a hazy dream

Dream that you made come true

An inseparable love

Is what I got from you

And its different, so different

But I never knew

Now that I have you

I'm not gonna let you go..

Its the way

When u tickle my nose

And tell me u love me so

Its the way

When u open my eyes

To all the love before me

I just wanna know

How Good could God be to me

Cause He gave me you...

When I'd cry you'd be

Holding close to me

Holding me tight forevermore

Through all the sands and seas..

When I'd strech my hands

True joy on my face

You light up my eyes

Our love would grant me grace..

Its the way

When u tickle my nose

And tell me u love me so

Its the way

When u open my eyes

To all the love before me

I just wanna know

How Good could God be to me

Cause He gave me you...

Cause He gave me... You

Sadist

2011-02-03T08:01:00.000-08:00

Things have changed, I’m still the same

And yet the bittersweet memories remain

And all the joy that I knew –

Was jus the morning dew…

I wanna be in everything

I wanna be all mine

I wanna be all selfishness

I wanna be unkind

I so wanna be the mistake

Be a mistake , be a misfit

I wanna hurt everyone

I wanna be a sadist

Everyone says, “Don’t be mean”

But they don mean what they mean

Everyone says, “Be nice to all”

In reality they make you fall

Don’t I have one single wish

Don’t I have my prince to kiss

Don’t I have my sweetest sin

Playing wild fantasies within?

I wanna be in everything

I wanna be all mine

I wanna be all selfishness

I wanna be unkind

I so wanna be the mistake

Be a mistake , be a misfit

I wanna hurt everyone

I wanna be a sadist

And I don’t know what everyone means now

Meanings change everytime, somehow

A Life full of meaningless whims

Is my long life of sin

Shouldn I have my right to care

Shouldn my love go everywhere

Where all of you have sweetest sins

Playing wild fantasies within?

I wanna be in everything

I wanna be all mine

I wanna be all selfishness

I wanna be unkind

I so wanna be the mistake

Be a mistake , be a misfit

I wanna hurt everyone

I wanna be a sadist

DeAtH'z MiStReSs

2008-04-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

A hut in the middle of thousand skies

Mirrored in the depth of my sorrow it lies

Left to sleep inside that hut alone

My soul stayed without its home

The thunder we prayed so hard to leave

Our skylight of beauty we had to retrieve-

A hope once lost, the joy not found,

And simply I did wander around-

As an empty shell, no heart, no mind

Would ever exist with no soul to find

So profound was my sorrow’s call

But my voice itself it did stall

My existence lost never to be found again

One moment joy and the next – pain

Divinity now regarded insane

I was playing death’s cruel game.

He laughed his monstrous laugh

But no fear could control me more

I was nothing but would be his

And I would do his one wish-

He gave me two choices, But one displeased me the most-

I could choose to be a hungry ghost

Move from world to world, skies to seas,

An existence that I could never leave

The other was to do the death’s wish

To be his mistress, to be his,

But not as the mistress the poor humans think

A mistress so different from death alone,

Why should you choose me so, I moan

Why can’t you give my soul a home?

He looked at me; to him I was a naked prey
He, the fiercest wolf among wolves led astray-

I do not know why you should be so

Such is your destiny, you do not know.

I listen to my inner voice I could find

As my body had been left behind.

I took my last look at my fate

I nodded, I felt him seal my fate,

But I was safe from his cruel clutches alone

And to skyward did we both bound.

A tiny regret I did leave behind

For other poor, unfortunate souls to find.

Realities Of A Beauitful World

2007-07-08T22:22:00.000-07:00

Incredible fears, they ally themselves to me
In this frightening truth of reality
Unburden my mind, unleash the truth
Unaware of all this pain
A shock that strengthens all my dreams
I'll build my bridge on your stream
Sadness echoes, but it shall part
I no longer feel d evil in ur heart
I see nothing, I feel nothing,
I dream of this wondrous world
The joy hanging in the air
The endless laughter everwhere
The beads of love hangin on a string
The smile nd everlasting happiness it brings
Wil this dream evr come true?
Do I know what should I do?

I stand in front of death’s door
I wont knock, I wont go in
I wil come back to make my dream true
(no jus for me, its for u too)
Awakening up from a silent reverie....
Incarcerators, beware of what they seek
They pray for evil n ur soul to keep
Keep the truth alive-
In the heart of pain
Don’t give up, you can breathe again
The test is passed, the fights are won
Stay one. Be one.We are one.

Embrace the truth, it is ur key
2 the prison doors that hold ur destiny
Embrace d language that you speak
It controls ur communal identity
This shall be my world ive built
No sadness shall ever be born again
Joy shall flourish in every part
Of my world. It is in my heart
Ill strengthen it from al the love
That blossoms from in and outside my world
Ive done my best, yeah its true!
The rest is upto "U”

Betrayal

2007-06-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hidden meanings lie in these words
Words of love, words of joy
The sadness that echoes the words unheard
Behind that unfaithful smile, so coy
What we give, we do not get
But do we get “hurt” in return?
Unconvincing truth to forget
And d lies we seek to collect and burn.

Unnamed ecstasy forbidden to d heart
The old sweet “heart”, u were a part
Of mine, gave me a smile, so divine
From al those thoughts I sought to resign –
In short, I gave my heart to you
Did u see d love, did u see the truth?
Did u explore every corner and nook?
Did u see when u walked on it, it shook?

The signs were too blind for us
I guess it would never be the same –
The same old laughter
That we shared
But in the future
We lie unprepared.

I sing the same forlorn song
A song of sorrows singing of pain
Will my life be the same again?
Or will it be in the cold rain?
Would u comprehend the love?
In the manner which u rejoice
U cared not for me @ al
U cared more for me to fall.

I was so blind to see
I hungered for that smile
I’m still painfully fragile
I’m still hanging on the string
Severed by inches, I will fall
Life has no meaning for me @ all.

Should I give up? Should I give in?
My innocent life for u to kill?
Although I’ve committed many sins –
I’ve endured all hate
I’ve endured all pain
My will says I can LIVE again.

The suicide....

2007-04-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

There she sits so helpless

Just waiting for that special day

The day she set aside

When she'll take her life away

Up until that day

She'll screw her life up more

Taking all the drugs

And cutting like before

Stories of her messed up life

Are written on her skin

Keeping count of all the times

The knife just tends to win

Scarlet scars upon her wrists

Tell of all the times

She tried to go but something

Stopped her suicidal crimes

Her blood shot eyes tell of all

The countless times she's cried

She has no more tears to cry

So her end she will decide

As that day comes around

When her 'precious' life she'll take

She'll bring up all the pain inside

And one more cut she'll make

Never will she stop to think

Of all the people she will miss

You can call it 'ignorance'

But ignorance is bliss

As she starts to think about

The story of her life

She wants to end if faster

Just to end all her strife

She curls up in the corner

And she begins to cry

All the while voices whisper

Just fucking go and die

Mascara tears leak from her eyes

And stain her pale, white face

Trailing down her satin cheeks

Depression's line they trace

She sinks her nails down in her arm

As she begins to shake

Substituting physical pain

For the pain from her heart ache

As she slowly falls apart

She starts to crave her blade

She takes it out and wastes no time

To add to the cuts she's made

She drags the blade along her skin

As she watches the blood pour out

She feels control run through her body

And the voices cease to shout

She puts away her razor blade

With no sign of regret

She knows that she will do it again

For the pain she can't forget

As she starts to breathe again

And her shaking finally stops

Her weak and fragile body goes

To her bed and drops

Her eyes begin to slowly close

As she thinks about that day

Where all her struggles end as soon

As she takes her life away.....